Date: 2007-05-26 22:03 Subject: yes Security: Public

I feel fat and I'm fixin to get fatter.
I'm scared.
I miss my puppies and I want them back. Right now.
I've made 50 million catrillion mistakes.
I wanna move back to cordova.
At least I like my new furniture even though its too big for our living room.
I really really really miss my puppies. Its weird coming home and not hearing them bark when I walk through the front door.
I think I miss stinkerton more than butters, thats bad.
I still hate at lot of things. I'm such a hater.
Bleh.
I can be the happiest I've ever been one day and then the saddest I've ever been the next.
Life is fuckin pointless. No, my bad. It has a point.. to end. It makes no sense.
Fuckin everyone is having a baby and everyone is going to bed earlier.
I don't really have a choice anymore, I can't ever fall asleep early whether I want to or not.
I swear to god the way the episodes come on for The Riches makes no fuckin sense. I watch it one week and then the next week its like they have 2 new episodes and only tell you about one of them. And then its like one of the new episodes is just like the one from last week only with a new part.. the part they told you would be a new episode the next week. And then the next day its a whole new one. Maybe I'm just crazy.

Date: 2006-12-14 18:17 Subject: He wouldn't let me Security: Public

( take the pictures )

Date: 2006-12-07 12:11 Subject: Bleh Security: Public

Today was supposed to be an ok day but now its not.

Hang out with Kat and Jen because Kat's having the baby tomorrow... then hang out with kerry.

Jennifer has to work 12-3 and possibly some more at another job after that and then Kerry had to make me all sad and now I don't even think I should hang out with him. He wouldn't even care if he never talked to me again. The only reason he talks to me now is cuz I get upset and crap when he doesn't.

And then, I had to start thinking about how alone I am. No one really cares about me, not as a friend or anything more. Jennifer is just killing time until Trey gets back from Iraq and then they are leaving again, and Kerry doesn't even want me anymore.

I was going to go to Jerry's since Kat and Jen can't do anything, but now I don't feel like going anywhere. I just wanna sit here and cry all day and wish I had friends, too bad that won't make friends magically appear.

I should go run or something because my stupid weird lookin body depresses me, but I'm too lazy. I can't even find any pants that fit me right.

Bleh blah bleh bleh gah gah gah gah. I wonder how long its going to take for me to be ok or not sad anymore.

Date: 2006-11-20 19:05 Subject: and today.. Security: Public Location: parents Mood: full

We made these plans last night to wake up early this morning and go do stuff, only I don't even remember what we were supposed to do but I guess we did them. First, I picked up Katherine and went a couple places and then to Jennifer..or Trey's house..and I ended up trying on some of Jennifer's clothes.

( gay pictures )

I will probably come back and put more pictures up here from Jennifer's camera when she uploads them.

Then we all got in her truck like usual and .. went places. I don't remember why but we all decided we were going to drive to Alabama, so we tried. We didn't get but half way there to corinth before Jennifer decided it was a bad idea cuz Trey wouldn't like hearing about her traveling somewhere to where an ex lives, but that's not why we were going to go there anyway. Anyways, lots of funny stuff happened like usual and we took pictures and videos haha and I'll put more up.. well ya I already said that.. when Jennifer uploads hers.

( trip )

The end.. for now.

Date: 2006-11-18 09:37 Subject: idk Security: Public Location: parent's Mood: blah

I don't want to go to work. Aeropostale 12 to 5 and Abercrombie 6 to 10. Fuck working all day and fuck working at a place where I have to climb a tall ass ladder that wobbles. I'm definitely going to quit Abercrombie today.. too bad I didn't get to buy the coat I want with my discount.

Date: 2006-07-25 00:28 Subject: B2 Security: Public Mood: bored

Been so damn upset lately, can you guess why? Durrr its from the same person its usually from. I would write for hours about it but I'm trying to make it go away.

I haven't talked to Kat in a good couple of days. I sent her texts and she hasn't responded to any of them. Maybe her phone is cut off or something or we're just having problems sending and receiving.

There's so much stuff I wanna do... with Kerry... as a couple... but he doesn't seem to want to do anything like that with me. He said the other day he said he wanted to rest and then later there was a party and he said he might go. Sadness of course because I wanted to do something earlier and he shot it all down. There's so much confusion there anyways.

Got a couple classes, applied for a couple loans, now I need to actually get a loan. I might not be starting school if I can't get one of those shits.

Life is going to be so damn boring when and if I start school, especially if Kerry wants to just sit at home every weekend cuz of his busy week.

We had a meeting today with some supervisor and someone asked, "If we're on corrective action we can't fill out a preference bid right?" A preference bid is to change your schedule. She said, "Right. And I told them the reason some people are on corrective action is because of their schedule. So you can." Now what the hell? She agreed that we couldn't, then she said we could. If we can I really wanna change my schedule to have saturday and sunday off with an 8 hour schedule. My 10 hour schedule is cool because I have 3 days off, but I'm damn tired of being there 10 hours in one day. Plus if I get an 8 hour schedule it'll be better with school. Hopefully I will freakin get a schedule I request! I hope it won't take a couple of months for a schedule to open up.

I need to take a shower and go to bed. I'm worried about what I'm gonna have for breakfast tomorrow. I ate all the cereal and there's nothing that takes seconds to make anymore which is what I need. Well I could make toast..but I wont. The other bad thing about a 10 hour schedule is if I don't eat breakfast I'm fucked till lunch which isn't for another 5 and a half hours after I get there, I can't last that long without food!

I hate being little. A couple of days ago when I was at my parents house mom showed me some pictures of me when I was little. I've seen pictures of me before, but not pictures of me with my friends, I was so much smaller than everyone! Even when I was like 8! I can just imagine how people see me now, 14 year old lookin ass. I would rather be little than large though.

I think I typed my email wrong when I filled out this last loan application.. It said I would get an email in minutes and its been about 10 and I've gotten nothing. Maybe that's because its past midnight.. I'll wait and see tomorrow.

I think I'm gonna go now and mess with how my page looks.

Date: 2006-07-25 00:00 Subject: GFD in your face Security: Public Location: apartment

Everything makes me wanna cry. I hate that everyone else has fun and I can't. Why can't I have fun? Gah Tina you fat lard. I want so many things and I'll never get any of them, and I'll somehow make sure of it.

God Fuckin Damnit is my favorite phrase.

Lame ooooooooo

I had this crazy dream a couple of couple nights ago. So many random things happened, like I almost slammed into the back of a cop car, my boobs grew, and actually now I don't even remember the other things. But anyways, when I woke up, and this sounds so gay, but I felt a couple of emotions at once. I was scared and happy and mad and I don't know what else, it was really weird. I woke up thinking for a second that all of those things had actually happened and there were going to be repercussions. But then I realized, duh, it was a dream. I had the feeling for half of the day though, I knew none of it was real but I felt like I was going to deal with things I did in the dream. I've woken up before thinking my dreams had really happened, like a couple times I dreamed I had a zit in the middle of my forehead, or that I flunked a big test. Shit like that, shit that normally happens. Those dreams however consisted of one thing, and this new one consisted of many things. What am I supposed to do when these things happen? Stare in the mirror and think about it all? No, because by the time I get to the mirror I'm already thinking about something else. Go to work and think about it all? There we go! There I have time on the way to work and inbetween calls and even during most calls to think about it and try to remember. So I went to work and thought about my dream and ended up pulling out the gameboy and playing advance wars. The dream eventually bored me, that's what I get for thinking.

Then a little while after that I got bored with the game.

And lately I've been thinking and remembering all the little things that used to scare me that I thought had to do with hypochondria, all the things that interfered with daily tasks. I had a shit load of those.

Date: 2006-07-18 00:55 Subject: A1 Security: Public Location: The apartment Mood: content Music: Nothing Dreadful Ever Happens, Every Time I Die

Live Journal..coolness.

I'm not a very good writer.

What should I write about? There was something I was thinking about on my way home from dropping Kat off, but of course I forgot what it was. Hm...

I hate how I'm not motivated to do anything. I wanna run, but I don't want to do it alone and I have no one to make me go when I'm lazy. I wanna be able to stay at work the full 10 hours I'm supposed to but I just start thinking about how much I wanna go home. Actually, I don't even know why I always wanna go home. What is there to do at home? Especially now since Kerry is back in school, there's not shit to do if I get home early but watch tv because he's gonna be sleeping. I don't really wanna be anywhere else if he's gonna be at home even if it is sleeping. I need to get money to fix up the car like I want, but why do I even wanna do that? What the heck am I gonna get out of fixing it up? Nothing really, it'll look the way I want it to look and be a little fast, and I'll have to ask Kerry to find the motor stuff for me because I'm not motivated to figure that stuff out anymore either. I used to be! Then I don't know what the hell happened. The only thing I'm actually motivated to do now is get into Real Estate and buy and sell shit. Its kind of scary though because I might not even make money. As much as I wanna do that for a living, I hope I get interested in something better.

Today, I went to work my full 10 hours and even 1 more hour. The only reason I was able to make it the last 4 hours was because I IP-RELAYED kids that were making prank calls. We can get fired for that but oh well, it kept me interested and not thinking about wanting to go home. These one kids got really scared, or so it seemed. Some operators suck really bad and don't tell how exactly the people react during or after the typer is typing. These one kids though, they we're all freakin out and actually thought I was the police. They ended up hanging up soon though. Then these other kids thought it was funny, and I told them I was their mother, and to get in my belly. I got that from Austin Powers haha. Also, this was one of the few times I changed my voice while voicing what they typed. I did this one call in some gay country accent for one line and then my normal voice for another line. They got a big kick out of it and so did I, but then they always have to take it too far so I had to disconnect it. I was very sad they forced me to disconnect it because I was having fun and at that point I think I still had just a couple hours left.

Before that I was playing the sidekick version of minesweeper. When I downloaded it I thought it was going to be as easy as it is on the computer, but it sure wasn't. It started to get hard and I actually had to start thinking for more than a second about which box to flag. Its not that I don't want to think or that I can't figure it out, but if I have to do something too many times and its not easy I get tired of it. Not all the time though, sometimes I like challenges, but I guess today was not one of those days.

After work Kat and I went to Chili's and BlockBuster. We called some waitress there a fat whore (not to her face) and then she looked at us and waved, it was hilarious. What else happened there.. um.. We had to wait 10 mins for our drinks. We told one of the waiters that Kat knew about it and right as he was bringing out our drinks the guy that was supposed to be our waiter jumped out with the drinks. It was a little funny to me because of the expression on the other dudes face. We had some gay laughs, that's about it for Chili's. When we we're on the way to BlockBuster there were some rednecks in a truck and Kat flipped them off and said something about them being rednecks. They tried to drive all next to us and I freaked out and made sure some old lady in some SUV was next to us the whole way so they couldn't even look at us. I think they lady figured it out or something because she started to laugh. They went away after a couple mins and then we just made more jokes till we got to blockbuster. And that was it.

I got home and Butters was all freakin out like normal, and then I went into the bedroom and lied on the bed to play with him and I noticed.. omg.. I noticed that he had a little puppy hard on! I couldn't believe it! It was all gross and red and protruding out of his little puppiness.. it made me want to throw up. Its freakin scary to see that sort of thing, its just as scary to me when he humps stuff and I can't even explain why. I guess its kind of like he's my baby and then.. yeah.. I don't know, never mind, its just scary.

Well its almost 1 o'clock and I should probably go to bed. Hooray for my first entry of nothingness.

Date: 2006-07-12 00:00 Subject: (no subject) Security: Public Location: apartment

Kerry has 3 hickey lookin things on his neck that I didn't give him. He says maybe its from him sleeping on his hand at work, right. I'm very friggin upset and I need a new bf.

Date: 2006-07-07 00:00 Subject: le sigh Security: Public Location: apartment

Bored bored and more bored of course, isn't that how it always goes?

My eye hurts. I would say this is pretty random but I've been sick for a good couple of days and everything is taking its turn hurting. My throat hurt this morning..but only until Kerry gave me some ice cream. I went to bed and woke up and thought, 'Oh god now I have to deal with this all day long.' And then I coughed and it didn't hurt, I was amazed.

Kat and I finally got some queso from chilis tonight. We went there last night and walked in a couple mins before 11 when we thought they closed at 12, and no one came to even fuckin greet us. We stood there making random comments at the workers we could see for a good 5 mins before someone came and told us they were closed. All we wanted was some damn queso, it would have been fine if it was the left overs and they just put it in a to-go cup and gave us a bag of chips. But no, they made sure it was past 11 when they said anything to us so they could for sure say they were closed. We fuckin got there at least 2 mins before 11 damnit, who cares if your closing its your damn job and you would have gotten a better tip than normal because of the fact that yall were closed. Assholes.

We ran out of body wash and butters chewed my tooth brush. Now I HAVE to spend money tomorrow. Fuck.

Trey needs to stop being mean to Jennifer, its making us all mad. He's gonna find himself divorced pretty soon and all alone in the army and taking it up the butt. Just kidding, hopefully he doesn't get it up the butt.

I hate my job. Oh my god I really hate my job. Its ok though, better than no job or a job paying less than 10 an hr.

Today I figured out that I am definitely going to own my own business. I don't know what, but I was thinking a hotel or an apartment complex. I told my idea for the apartment complex to this girl that works with me and she told me about a friend of hers who didn't make money from renting out rooms for 15 years. Maybe its just the rooms he bought, maybe he just didn't know how to advertise, maybe he had no idea what he was getting himself into. That's probably going to be me. I'm gonna go into this with the idea that I'm gonna make all this money and have a wonderful house and not have to be at work every day and work out and get in shape and what not. What's really going to happen is I'll go into debt and have to file for bankruptcy or something. I really have no idea how any of that works, I really need to learn some stuff. Anyways, I was all imagining this beautiful apartment complex or hotel with some retro/modern/contemporary/whateveryouwannacallit furniture in every room. I am seriously obsessed with nice furniture. What is my problem? I want to decorate, but I'm no good at it. I don't know. I wonder if I have to like, start with a small business and work my way up. I vaguely remember Ash saying something like that. Him and his brother or family or something own a couple Cold Stones around here and a couple hotels too. I think I remember him saying they had to have Cold Stone in order to be considered for a loan for a hotel, but I'm probably wrong. Well not necessarily Cold Stone but you know what I mean. I just don't know.

There's this weird thing that I do when I talk to someone for the first time or just see someone interesting. I imagine what their room looks like, or their apartment, or anything else of that manner. If I talk to them on AIM or Myspace, I imagine where their computer is in their room and what it looks like. Or I'll imagine where they work or even how they talk to people around them. This is so weird, does anyone else do this? Does anyone else spell out words they see everywhere they go? Sometimes when I'm not thinking about anything I'll start spelling out some word that I see. How weird is this? I don't even notice I'm doing it until 5 mins later most the time. I think I have some weird ocd shit. When I was little I used to count every step I took, not to see how many steps it took to get somewhere, it just kind of happened. I don't know how the hell I got over doing that but I'm sure glad I did. I don't really spell out words as much anymore so maybe it'll go away all together like counting steps. Oh god I used to have the worst problem with checking my bed before I went to sleep for bugs or anything. I checked more things than my bed, pretty much my whole room. But whenever I was dead tired I settled for just checking under the covers and pillow. You know how your mouth waters? Sometimes, when I lived in Alabama and my mouth started to water, I would NOT swallow it. I had to spit it out. I feared that there was some sort of poison that managed its way into my mouth and if I swallowed it I would die. That right there is how I came to the conclusion that I am a hypochondriac. Well I didn't come up with it, Magen did, but I didn't believe her at first. I didn't tell her about that one either, there was just other random shit I did or said that was pretty stupid. She told me that their remedy for it was to give a patient a sugar pill and tell them it would make their problem go away and the person would just believe it and stop thinking all the crazy things they thought. That would have worked for me if she hadn't told me about it haha. In Cosmo Girl or Teen or something a couple months ago there was a whole article on hypochondria. I never thought I would have read about that in a teen magazine. It said some things in there that I have definitely done or thought and said I should go see a psychiatrist. Well it didn't tell ME to do that but you know. I said fuck that! I'm not going to see a shrink for the rest of my life and waste my time trying to fix something that's never going to be fixed. Plus wasting all that money? Fuck that. How the hell did I even start talking about this? Oh god. I don't really care to talk about it now because most of it is gone. I just have the spelling problem right now! Oh, and the problem with watching a movie that could be the slightest bit scary and believing it could happen to me.

I bet this is pretty long by now.

I was so damn excited earlier today when I thought I was going to own or build an apartment complex. SO DAMN EXCITED!!

I love my default picture. I'm glad I finally conqured the .. uh.. fuck I can't remember what its called. Anyways.

I gave in and bought another damn shirt the other day. What am I going to do with myself? Kat thinks I'm emo now. Damn emo hair. Damn emo clothes. I barely listen to music so I know I can't say damn emo music. Kerry gets mad when I call people, or things, emo. He says I don't even know what emo is. If I don't, who cares? I guess I made up my own damn version of emo and a hell of a lot of people fall into the category, including Kerry. No, there is a damn emoness and I just made my version bigger to include more things.

I had to watch fireworks on the 4th of July by myself. *tear* All because Kerry has a favorite phrase, 'I can't help it, I'm tired.'

I'm going to have to find a new job for my second semester of school. I thought I was gonna be able to switch from full time to part time at MCI but apparently their trying to get rid of part time. Assholes. I could totally just find a new job now and do full time school instead of part time but I'm not ready for it. I still don't even want to go but I know I have to.

I spent too much money from this paycheck, and got too much time off the past week because of being sick. My next check is going to suck ass, but I know I'll at least have enough for the car payment and insurance and the cell phone. I'm used to getting whatever I want, like ice cream or a t shirt or some candy or something, basically food though haha. But lately I've had less money to spend on that stuff and I don't like it at all. That's probably why I've been giving in and buying things like those shirts.

It is pretty damn stupid for people to post bulletins that inside them tell you to comment their pictures. That is so fucking gay! Oh my god it makes me so mad! Gah.

Hm, am I done now? Let me see if I can think of more things to type. Yeah.

Sometimes I think I can type pretty damn fast, and then this asian chick sits near me at work and I can hear her typing her 100 damn wors per min. Its pretty annoying too when she gets on the clunky keyboards that make the most noise. I'm not sure though, maybe its just annoying because I wish I could type that fast. What good would it do me to type that fast besides not having to pace people at work? I don't know, I just want to type faster. Holy shit there's like 3 different keyboards at work and if you get stuck on one that't not clunky, your fucked. On one of the other ones you have to hit the backspace button directly in the middle or it doesn't work, and the other one, all of the buttons are so soft and you can't tell if you are even hitting the right buttons or if your even hitting them at all. This is probably just me like usual. People will fight for the clunky keyboards though, this is true.

Ok I'll stop now. Bye

Date: 2006-06-13 00:00 Subject: god damnit Security: Public Location: apartment

everything i had is just gone. its all gone. i suck. the rest of my life is gonna suck. fuck a duck. damn damn damn. i have no motivation for anything. kerry hates me. everyone else thinks im retarded. i guess i am. damn damn damn. shit shit shit. fuck fuck fuck. i just wanna know whats gonna happen. no prolly not. fuck fuck fuck now i cant go to bed.

Date: 2006-05-30 00:00 Subject: Bubble Wrap Is Fun For Everyone Security: Public Location: apartment

Heck yes that tea tree oil shit does work! The bump all started flaking off and now its almost all gone. I have this feeling it might just end up being a scar now but that's better than a huge bump! I'm so happy and now I kind of want to buy diff colored rings for it...or just diff colored crystal things. I kind of like the ring...who knows. When the bump is totally gone and whatever happens with it I really want to get a lip ring. Why do I want all these piercings on my face? I'm ruining my face! Oh well its not like I'm pretty so it wont hurt anything.

I had the best deja vu a week or so ago. I was pulling up into Kerry's parent's house and I was listening to Angels and Airwaves (Tom Delonge's new band) and turned the car off and did whatever for a good minute. I so had a dream of doing that before and I couldn't figure out the song! I always knew it was Tom's voice but it wasn't any of their songs and it drove me crazy for a while trying to find the song. Buuut now I know! It took like 50 years but now I know.

It makes me sad that Tom thinks his new band is going to be better than Blink 182...never. Its ok though, I will listen to his music no matter what.

Date: 2006-05-03 00:00 Subject: Ventilated Potato Chips Security: Public Location: apartment

Eating until you get full is not a great idea.

I really fucking hate it when Kerry goes to work and I'm stuck here alone. Half the time my hypocondriact shit kicks in and its not fun. I fuckin hate it.

There's always health diagnosis whatever shit on TLC and I always have to watch them even though I know I shouldn't. Those fucking shows give me new ideas of pains and problems I think I have even though I FUCKING know their not there. I am so tired of thinking there is something wrong with me, this is so fucking stupid. I fuckin hate thinking every damn thing I think about. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

I'm not good for anything, probably not even sex.

I am so fucking tired right now but I don't want to go to sleep. No matter what it is I know I need to do, I won't do it. That doesn't just pertain to sleep, its fucking everything. Actually, no, that's not fully true. I am getting back into school no matter how much I don't want to.

You can read one sentence, and instantly have a million thoughts running through your mind. It can even be 3 words long. I just finished reading someone's blog and there was one sentence that pissed me off.

It sucks when you read something and its as if its describing you or something you've done. That doesn't have anything to do with that sentence from earlier by the way.

Can you imagine having some sort of problem and going to the emergency room, and them now knowing what it is or how to help you? That has to be so fucking scary. And what if you are having a problem that seems simple to fix but isn't? Some of these people go to the doctor with complications like short of breath and irregular menstrual cycles. The doctor givs them pills and tells them its hormones or bronchular something or another and tell you to go home, when really that's just the beginning of the problem. These doctors don't always look into the problem the way they should. They listen to what you say and tell you that you have the first problem they can think of that happens most frequently, without taking everything else it could possibly be into consideration.

See, watching these shows is what makes my problem worse.

And I fucking hate my boobs. I would totally get implants if I wasn't scared of what might happen afterwards. When you hear all the bad things that could happen, a lot of people assume those bad things will happen 9 out of 10 times. That's not even true. We know people tell us the bad things to make us not want or want to do whatever it is. I was looking at statistics a while ago of girls that actually had complications with their implants and girls that were perfectly fine, and it showed something like only 5 percent had complications. But who knows, I could have been reading something that wasn't as well researched as it looked.

The only thing tha would even scare me about going into any type of surgery would be them putting you to sleep or whatever they do. I would be so scared that I wouldn't even wake up after they were done. Not ever waking up.

I still really fucking hate my boobs. There's so much I hate about myself, but my boobs are at the top of the list. I also hate my nose and my hair and my stomach and my legs and my arms and my toes and my hands. Damn, is there anything left to hate? Duh, I hate my butt and my face and my eyebrows and my fucking small mouth and lips. I want bigger lips too. I just realized my lip problem not too long ago. Fuller lips are fucking awesome and they can make you look so much better. Just like bigger boobs.

I don't want bigger boobs so guys will like me more, I just don't want to look like I'm 15 years old. People take you more serious when you look older.

What the fuck? I just noticed my display name says 'Shannon' when it should say 'Super Shannon.' I fucking hope no one knows my password! If someone knew that shit, why would they change my display name? That would be the most stupid thing to change.

Blaaaaaaaaah I have to go change the channel.

Date: 2006-04-25 00:00 Subject: Elizabeth I Security: Public Location: apartment

I got to run saturday, woohoo. I ran a mile but it took me like 15 mins so I wasn't sweating that much. That means I have to run faster and longer!

I tried to run faster tonight. I set it at 6.0 whatever the fuck speed. I tried to run the mile that speed the whole way but right at 5 mins, when I was half way done, the damn thing stopped! I don't know why it does that! It did that the first day too.

It was most likely better for me that it did stop when it did tonight because I might have been pushing myself too hard. I haven't ran in like a year and it took me a good month to be able to run the mile in 7 mins back then. I don't think running it in 10 mins is too good for me right now. I would have done it, don't get me wrong, but I would have died afterwards. No, not really.

I wish I could eat better, but I know that will never happen. I'm not too good at making myself do things I don't want to do. I love my bad foods.

I really hate running, I don't know how long I'm going to be able to keep it up.

It really makes you feel good when you actually get finished though, ya know? Myabe that's just me.

I'm watching Elizabeth I. I need to take a shower and go to bed but its kind of interesting, her boy friend thing just left her for a younger girl. Sadness..

Wow I just grabbed my phone and moved it around on the floor. I was wondering why the cursor wasn't moving and then I realized what I was doing..damn I'm dumb.

Every one of these paragraph shits start with an 'I' except for the last two.

Date: 2006-04-11 00:00 Subject: My trip to lala land Security: Public Location: apartment

Sigh.

I wish I could wear anything I wanted without thinking the glorious thoughts like "My fat shows with this shirt," "I'm too skinny for these pants," "Why the hell did my boobs stop growing already? And my butt too, gah!" Am I the only one who thinks I'm fat and skinny at the same time?

Aw butters came and sat by me without biting anything. He is so damn cute with he exception that he bites and chews on everything. He gets the shoes a lot, and even tore a hole in my comforter. How weird is that though? He chewed through the comforter of all things. And its even weird that he chews shoes. I mean thats like a general thought when you think of puppies chewing things isn't it? But to have a puppy that actually does that when all the others I have previously had is quite shocking to me. This little cream nigger chewed up my new sunglasses I just bought. I was so mad and I put him in the cage, but he's so cute and I forgot about it for a minute when Kerry let him out. I think he's like 13 or 14 weeks old now. 5.something lbs. I wanna take him to some obedience class but I think he's too old now, it prolly wont work anyways.

I need to look into school shit and see how much it is to get back in there. I shouldn't have quit but I'm a dumbass and let other things get in the way.

My phone sucks. Well its cool but it sucks at the same time. Well no it wouldn't suck if the 's' button was still on it. No wait making phone calls is a bitch sometimes sooooo yeah. Its kind of big and looks stupid when you do try to call somoene on it. It kind of reminds me of old cell phones, that were still almost the size of a normal phone. Its not that big though. The internet on it sucks sometimes because it doesn't have enough memory to display everything but I don't really care because its better than no internet when you need it right? What the hell do I need it for though because I just get on myspace with it. Myspace definitely is not a need.

I really hate myspace even though I keep on using it. Fuckin Kerry keeps pissing me off with this shit adding dumb girls he doesn't even know. And then they post comments about my damn dog saying its the cutest dog theyve ever seen. How can it be the cutest dog you've ever seen unless you've actually seen it? Either the myspace whores are lieing or Kerry is lieing saying he doesn't even know them. Both are possible. Myspace is so fucking gay. Well maybe I should say a lot of the people using myspace are fuckin gay. Why do you need to look for people and add them when you don't know them? I understand wanting to look at other people's shit, getting ideas to make your page better, looking to find friends you haven't seen in forever, or just looking to read people's blogs and comments and see what other people are about. But then you get people who take crazy pictures of themself half naked in some stupid poses, and a friends list half the size of Tom's list. I know they don't know probably half of those people, whats the point of adding them? To look cool? Duh. And then some people actually do try to meet all the people of the opposite sex on their friend list. Its cool to try and meet people but its stupid to do it to hook up. My opinion though. Myspace should just be for us to put stuff on here to share with our friends, not some random ass people.

I think Brad's cat bit me the other day. It was weird. It was like a little nibble, or like he was trying to eat my hair and accidentally got my cheek. Oh well.

I'm getting hungry. I hate making food at night, it seems weird to me and I'm not sure why. I hate having to cook cuz I feel like the pan isn't clean enough or the spatula has a speck on it. Blah Blah. I have some ocd problem, or some germ problem. I already know there's a good chance I'm a hypochondriac, I guess all the other shit just fits in with that problem. I always try to make myself think that I freak out for no reason, because duh that's what the problem is, but I always override it with thoughts like "maybe this time its serious." I was very surprised to find an article about this problem in cosmo girl. Of course I read it and found that I have had or always have 3 of the 4 thoughts listed. My friend Magen told me a long time ago that they would give hypochondriacs a sugar pill and it set them straight. They didn't know that they were really sugar pills and believed it worked because everything was all in their head. Sometimes when I watch movies where people are doing drugs I will soon feel some weird shit going on. I really hate that. I know its all in my head but I can't ever get it to go away. Sometimes I feel like my throat is closed up, this could be a real issue one day haha. I can't eat when this happens and when I do whatever I try to swallow gets stuck in my throat. I think I choked and died in a previous life or something because that's my biggest fear, choking. I refuse to take pills too because of that, I have to have liquid medicine.

I'm gettin tired now. I'm gonna go in there and get in bed all hungry and shit and listen to all the weird scary noises outside my window. Then butters gets to chew on all my shit while I'm sleeping. Then Kerry comes home and sits on the computer forever before he comes to bed. I hate goin to bed by myself now, it fuckin sucks.

Now I get to pick out a cool subject for my fantastic blog. I won't go to bed till I find the perfect one, and it can't have anything to do with anything i typed! ..JK.. just so u know

Date: 2006-03-28 00:00 Subject: her violet code Security: Public Location: apartment

douchenizzle.
nothing interests me anymore. the internet is boring, tv is boring, movies are boring, work is definitely boring, my pokemon game is already boring haha, butters is starting to get old with all the biting, im tired of cleaning my piercings because it doesnt seem to help, pepsi...nope thats not boring yet, none of the music i listen to really interests me anymore, my sidekick sucks cuz the s button is missing, my computer is slow and cant even get on the internet anymore, my car is definitely boring, and this apt is starting to suck cuz i hate being here alone at night.
at least i have fun with kat cuz we talk about dumb funny shit that no one else really thinks is funny, but i dont get to hang out with her that much cuz im always with kerry or working.
life is just beginning to be boring, me and kerry dont even do anything...oh wait i just got a new schedule so saturdays off..hopefully that will bring something interesting into this dull piece of poo. add some corn pieces to it or something.
as a matter of fact i dont really even listen to music anymore since someone stole my cd player..gah.
im freakin 18.. i should be out doing fun things right? (sigh)